Healing From the Orphan Spirit

We call it the parable of the prodigal son. But look again at how Jesus opens the story in Luke 15: “A man had two sons.” We usually read it as a story about two kinds of sons — one rebellious, one faithful. The truth is more uncomfortable than that. The story ends with two kinds of sons, but it begins with only one kind, showing up in both of them.

That one kind is the orphan. The same spirit was at work in the boy who ran to the far country and in the brother who never left the yard. It is the spirit that came upon Adam when sin entered the world — the spirit that made him sew fig leaves and hide from the God who loved him. And every one of us was born with some form of it.

What the orphan spirit is

And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the portion of goods that falls to me.’ So he divided to them his livelihood. And not many days after, the younger son gathered all together, journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with prodigal living.

Luke 15:12–13 (NKJV)

The orphan spirit is a spiritual condition in which a person lives alienated from, independent of, and separated from the experience of their Father’s love. It is the loss of a father’s love. When you lose a dad through death, you experience that loss physically. But you can live as an orphan even with a living father — because orphancy is not about proximity. It is about being disconnected from your Father’s love.

Watch how it shows up in a person’s life:

• They are fiercely independent. Everything they get, they get by themselves, for themselves — hustling alone. “Give me my own share.”
• They live in constant self-preservation mode — a survivor mentality, convinced no help is coming from anywhere. They live in the “far country.” And when you are in survival mode, you lack the capacity to love.
• They grab as much as they can for themselves. When seven children gather to eat, the orphan — not knowing where the next meal will come from — gathers for seven days. The son eats for that moment only, because “I have a father.”
• They get their identity from what they do and what they have, not from who they are. The younger son rejected sonship to go make a name for himself — and squandered it all.

Put simply: the orphan says, I do. I have. I am. The son says, I am. I have. I do. The order is everything. You can hear it in the younger brother’s rehearsed speech: “I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants.” He could no longer imagine being received as anything other than a worker who must earn his keep.

The elder brother had the very same spirit

But he was angry and would not go in. Therefore his father came out and pleaded with him. So he answered and said to his father, ‘Lo, these many years I have been serving you; I never transgressed your commandment at any time; and yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might make merry with my friends.’ … And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours.’

Luke 15:28–31 (NKJV)

Listen to him: I have been serving you. I never transgressed. You never gave me. That is I do, I have, I am all over again. Here was an orphan living right under his father’s roof, just as surely as the younger brother was an orphan living far away from it. Being in the house every day does not heal orphancy.

And this spirit never stays private. A lot of pastors and preachers are orphans, so they build orphanages instead of homes for sons — and an orphan pastor with orphan members produces an orphan church, performance-oriented and performance-driven. An orphan father produces a family of orphans, turning his wife and children into orphans, because everything is based on performance and nothing on love, intimacy, and identity. In an orphan home, food is reward, peace is reward, kindness is reward — and if you fail to deliver, you pay for it. An orphan boss with orphan employees produces orphan customers. And can you imagine an orphan boy dating an orphan girl? Then we wonder why relationships are so hard.

The sons are coming

It is against this backdrop — a Father with orphans inside His house and orphans far from His house — that Paul gives us hope about the coming sons of God.

For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God.

Romans 8:14–16 (KJV)

Paul goes on to say that creation itself groans, waiting for the manifestation of the sons of God. The world may be a global orphanage — but the sons are coming.

Contrary to what you may have heard, Jesus did not come to make it possible for people to get into heaven. He came to make it possible for heaven to get into people. He came to turn this global orphanage into God’s family house — because unless you become a certain kind of person, heaven will not be heaven for you. Hebrews 2:10 speaks of Jesus bringing “many sons” to glory. It is sons who enter glory, not orphans.

Luke’s genealogy calls Adam “the son of God.” But when sin entered the world, Adam became alienated and separated from God — he became an orphan. That is why the greatest revelation Jesus brought was the revelation of God as “Our Father.” In the entire New Testament, Jesus addressed God as “God” only twice — when He cried, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” and when He appeared to Mary Magdalene and connected her to God as her Father. Every other time, He called Him Father.

This is what discipleship actually is: the healing of our orphan spirit, so that we can become like Jesus by being with Jesus, in order to live as Jesus lived. It is not about what we are doing — it is about who we are becoming. We are human beings, not human doings.

Five signs you need this healing

To be an orphan is to live from pressure instead of from pleasure. I know this from the inside. For many years, even though I was a born-again Christian — even while I pastored — this was how I lived: saved by grace, but living by performance. I thought God blessed me because of what I did or did not do.

First, offense — with God and with people. The elder brother was angry: angry with his father, angry with his brother, angry with the servants, angry with himself. You have a short fuse. People walk on eggshells around you, afraid of your temper. One of the signs that you are being healed of an orphan spirit is that it becomes harder and harder to offend you.

Second, unforgiveness. Orphans seek the punishment of those who offend them; people must pay for what they did. The elder brother sneered, “this son of yours.” Sometimes it is yourself you cannot forgive — the younger brother said, “I am not worthy; let me suffer for what I have done.” Shame, guilt, and fear are all evidence of the orphan spirit. But sons know what it means to experience pardon and to pursue pardon for those who have offended them. This was the difference between Jacob and Esau — Esau allowed bitterness to grow in his heart.

Third, unbelief. You find it difficult to believe that God is good — or that He will be good to others but not to you. Many of us are more confident in the power of the devil than in the love of God, more confident in generational curses than in His light. The elder brother could not imagine his father giving him even a small goat. Check your prayer life: do you spend more time worshipping God or battling demons and curses? When you read the Bible, do you see more of how God has loved you, or more of what the devil is doing?

Fourth, a perennial struggle with certain sins. Some of us wrestle for years with pornography, lust, money, alcohol, fear, self-doubt, or depression. The younger brother — a son of a king — ended up living with pigs, living contrary to who he was. If you are always praying against one particular sin, it is time to shift your focus to your position as a son in the house. What you focus on grows in you. The moment he began to focus on his father’s love, his journey home began.

Fifth, a stony heart. Both brothers were distant from their father — one geographically, one in the house every day. You struggle to hear God and to see God; you lack sensitivity to the Father’s presence. You are always looking for a prophet to prophesy to you, because you do not hear the voice of your Father for yourself.

How healing comes

Start with repentance — a genuine change of mind. Pray: “Father, I have been living as an orphan all these years, and I repent. I repent of relying on myself, my efforts, and my performance to be accepted by You.” Jesus said the younger son “came to himself.” Ask the Father to bring you to your senses.

Then receive the baptism of love. You must learn to submit to the Father’s love: “Father, come and love me. Pour Your heart into my heart. I receive Your love.” One way to do this is to spend unhurried time in God’s presence, simply worshipping — letting His love come in like a knife and cut the orphan spirit away.

When all the people were baptized, it came to pass that Jesus also was baptized; and while He prayed, the heaven was opened. And the Holy Spirit descended in bodily form like a dove upon Him, and a voice came from heaven which said, “You are My beloved Son; in You I am well pleased.”

Luke 3:21–22 (NKJV)

Next, become a disciple of Abba. Live from intimacy, not from dos and don’ts. Listen for the Father’s heart, and act out of closeness to Him rather than rules and regulations. Make every effort to rest — learn to sit down and follow the Father.

Finally, build healthy relationships with other sons and daughters of Abba. Have spiritual fathers and mothers, spiritual brothers and sisters. Be part of a healthy spiritual community — a place where the love of Abba is modeled for you and through you, where you serve and are served, so the Father can reconcile you to healthy family.

There is an old song that says it best: “O Lord, Your tenderness, melting all my bitterness — O Lord, I receive Your love.” Make that your prayer today. You may have lived as an orphan until this very moment, but you are coming into sonship. Stop asking the orphan’s question — “Am I doing what I am supposed to be doing?” — and start asking, “Am I becoming the kind of person I am supposed to be?” The Father is ready to heal you of every trace of the orphan spirit. Receive it, in the name of Jesus.